Montreal is lit up with Christmas everywhere you go right now. If you’re like me & try to avoid all the consumerism of the holiday time then you may want to check this out. Bring a little festivity into your own season in the best way possible; with erotic tails of a holiday theme. No flashy toys or obligated spending. No department store Santas or yule tide family fun. Just something to appeal to your more randy-side with some triple X story telling of Christmas gone sideways.

Presented by Théâtre Urbi et Orbi in association with Centaur Theatre Company. Tickets & performance schedule at the bottom of this page!

Urban Tails : an erotic Christmas with Special Guest Miss Sugarpuss (Holly Gauthier-Frankel). Directed by Harry Standjofski. Leave the kids at home for this one, this is just for us grown folk.

bandeau tails
written by Marianne Ackerman, performed by Leni Parker :

He reaches out and takes my hand and we both roll back on the bed like two empty barrels. And I’m thinking, whoa, he’s fatter than me! And he’s a breast man. For men like that, well… there’s no such thing as too much breast. Fat does not exist in that area of the female body. It’s all just more of what they like. I mean, he really seemed to get worked up over my… which is… you know… a very big turn on, to see a man get worked up over… Not that he was pushy, or anything. Not one bit. He treated my breasts like they were a treat.

Madame Butterfly written by Yvan Bienvenue, performed by Bill Rowat:

The uh… the Butter – the Butterfly? It’s a… uh… well, it’s a clitoral stimulator… that’s what’s written on the… so while I can’t personally vouch for its efficiency? It laid my old mother out on her back… seriously…

Feliz Navidad written by Luciana Burcheri, performed by Nadia Verrucci:

Tonight. Christmas Office Party. A chichi club in Brossard. A Christmas show called Santa Baby with a duo of plastic generic performers in short tight dresses, revealing more cleavage and cellulite than was meant for the human eye. We – me, him and a few other people from my department, standing at the back of the hall, up against the bar; the place packed. I was standing right in front of him and I could feel him. His body vibrating behind me. He didn’t move; he just stood there playing it casual. I couldn’t even see his face. All I could feel was his breath on the back of my neck and I could smell him. And he smelled like yearning. I was on fire. My belly, my red lace panties … everything inside me ached.

Do We Have a Mary? written & performed by Stefanie Buxton:

I was fourteen years old, almost fifteen, when I fell in love with Jesus. I was also panicked, wondering when the hell my period would ever come. Sure, I was a late bloomer, but understand when I say “fell in love with Jesus”, I don’t mean in the “church way”. I wanted him to be my boyfriend. My lover. Seriously!

Santa’s Wife and The Baby Dyke written & performed by Dayna McLeod

I met her at an office Christmas party. I knew she was married but didn’t know who her husband was until he was banging on the other side of a squeaky styrofoam snowman hanging on the bathroom door. I was face deep into his wife with her legs wrapped around the back of my head, coming up for breaths like a swimmer doing the butterfly. It was the 90s, she was twice my age, and her husband was my boss.

Quimby written & performed by Harry Standjofski:

“Look” she said, pointing above the vestibule door. Mistletoe. “Come on then,” she said. I froze. “Don’t be a suck,” she said. I couldn’t stand. She leaned down – oh the smell of her hair – and she kissed me. My lips were puckered but her tongue kind of snaked its way in. Our teeth bumped as we necked. Do I have to mention that I got excited? “You’ve never done this,” she said. If I could have managed to get some oxygen into my lungs I might have responded. She kissed me again. Our tongues did a slow-dance, like to “Stairway to Heaven”…

Whew!… Sound’s pretty saucy doesn’t it? This is my kind of Christmas. Don’t miss out on this one guys. Support our local theatre industry & talent. Dwelve away from the Christmas standards & come out for storytelling done right. This will be one to remember for Holiday seasons to come.

TICKETS – Purchase here!

$22  Regular adult admission

$18  Subscribers, Seniors, ACTRA, Equity, QDF, (etc.) & under 30

$16  Students


 Thursday, Dec. 10 @ 8PM

Saturday, Dec. 12 @ 8PM

Thursday, Dec. 17 @ 8PM

Friday, Dec. 18 @ 8PM

Saturday , Dec. 19 @ 8PM