Cheesecake – it’s friggin’ fantastic, right? Just one drawback: the pleasure to pain ratio is way off on this delicious dessert. You’re probably asking yourself, wtf is she talking about, right?

Well making the perfect cheesecake is an arduous task that practically requires having a chemistry degree, the patience of Mother Theresa and all the time in the world on your hands (think Real Housewives of Vancouver free time). All that effort to make a cheesecake which, if you’re like me, lasts about a day in the house before you’ve devoured the entire thing, makes the pleasure to pain ratio on this dessert all wrong.

Well, that was all true until I found this easy-as-f*ck, no-bake (gluten-free) recipe. Check it out…


  • 2 Packets of Philadelphia cream cheese
  • 1  tin of Carnation condensed milk
  • 3 squeezed lemons (Alcoholics and Lushes can substitute 1 lemon for 60 ml of Limoncello Liqueur)
  • Lemon Zest
  • Dark or milk chocolate bar (optional, for garnish)

Grate one of the lemons for some fresh zest and then squeeze them all for fresh juice. (Muy importante: zesting the lemon after you’ve squeezed it is not as easy, so grate first, squeeze after!)

Using a mixer, cream the cheese on low speed while slowly pouring in the condensed milk. Once the cheese and milk are fully creamed, slowly add in the lemon juice and the zest. Pour the mixture into small mason jars and chill in the fridge for 3 hours.

Garnish with freshly grated chocolate and Boom! You’re done… Bon appétit!